I have GREAT mothers in my life. First off mine, the woman who gave me life and the woman who taught me how to live it. I love her and want so much to be like her. My mother-in-law, I hate that term, in French it is beautiful mother. She is a great woman but in so many opposite ways from my mom. So I get to learn and grow by watching and being with her. Grandmas, both blood and adopted, ward mothers, sisters, beautiful sisters, and the list goes on and on.
But now that I'm a mom myself, mother's day has changed so much. I have a cousin who celebrates mother's day by making a list of what she does that is wonderful as a mom. I think that is amazing. So to celebrate mother's day, I'm going to celebrate me. That's hard for me. Especially in front of others and especially lately. There is a side to me that so many people don't see, a side I hide. A side that I have been struggling with a lot the last little bit. I have been heart broken and crying a lot. Mostly because I have been hating myself, as a mom. When I screw up it's hard, but now I have 3 perfect children that are watching my every move. They are taking notes and learning how to live from me, just like I did from my mom. What are they seeing? Who are they becoming because of my influence in their lives? How much does my bad temper and heartache affect them?
So today I'm going to step out of my comfort zone, oh wait, I just did. But I'll share more than just my heartache though. I'm going to honestly say what I think I'm doing right. And I hope the other moms out there will too.
1. I feed my kids :)
alright, I'll be serious
1. we read scriptures, pray, go to church, have family home evening, and watch General Conference together as a family. (most of the time)
2. I'm good, not great, at teaching choice and accountability by letting them pay the consequences of their actions. And fairly good at judging what choices and what consequences are appropriate for their ages.
3. I don't spoil them with presents.
4. I'm good at teaching kindness above fairness.
Now I'm stuggleing to come up with anything else. But hey, that's a start. oh oh wait, I'm almost always on time. I can put that on the list right?
Here are some of my other thoughts on the subject that is breaking my heart lately, being a mom. I am not the only one watching and raising these children. They have the influence of many others (oh, that's good too, I encourage them to learn and have the opportunity to learn from others by spending time at grandmas, etc.). But more important than that, they are the Lords and He did not just drop them off at the babysitters and leave without a phone number. He is a part of their lives and is raising them more than I know or see.
There is a reason that during the infancy of my mothering, my kids are the most forgiving. 10 years from now when Patrick is 15, it won't be, oh, it's alright mom, I love you. The Lord set it up this way. This is His plan.
And third, the Lord is raising me too. And it's a process. As much as I want patience NOW, it is a slow process. I will try to remember that. And I will try to celebrate me this Sunday and all the good that I have done for Patrick, Auretta and David. You know what Chad will say? "There is no try, only do." And Yoda is right. I WILL celebrate me, because there aren't 3 of God's spirit children in this home, there are 5 (well, 6 depending on how you count, and I count 6).
5 Comments
Very well said! I have been thinking the same thing lately. Thanks for the good insight.
This is a beautiful post. I am in the process of redefining Mother's Day for myself so this was a nice addition to my thoughts.
Sorry you've been sad. It's tough to be anything near stable when your body has been taken over by a process so outside of your control. That lack of control can be scary, like the world is being redefined.
You're doing great. Every single one of us makes mistakes with our children. Amazingly, the usually seem to turn out okay anyway.
And no matter what you do there will be something that you didn't and that will be the thing they notice. I've already promised to help my kids find a good therapist when they realize all the ways I've screwed them up. It's nice to get that out there in the open early on, I think.
Maggie, I love you. I've realized that us moms have the same feelings of inadequacy and that we have this guilt over the things we do (or don't do) but we never talk about it. So (for me) I felt like I was the only one that felt that way. I think you're incredible and should definitely celebrate YOU. I know this sounds crazy :) but I look up to you. For your faith to do what you know Heavenly Father wants you to. For the mother that you are. I miss you like crazy! CRAZY I tell you! Some day...Happy Mother's Day, Friend.
It's really nice to know that other moms have the same feelings I do. Thanks for sharing Maggie - this really lifted me up!
There are good uses of guilt and bad, and I think we've all experienced both. I am more motivated when I feel godly sorrow for my mistakes, but when I get out the stick, it's pretty much downhill from there. I feel sad when I hear such a heavy word as "hate" directed back at someone's hard-trying self, but I understand. Ten years ago a friend gave me a book on single parenting, written by a BYU professor whose husband left her for another woman. The night he told her he was leaving was the first she knew about the affair, and she was in shock. Her teens were right there with them in the family room, and she melted down. She pleaded with him, she accused him, she ranted, she sobbed. She pointed at the kids in complete insanity and pleaded with him to take them with him because she couldn't raise them alone. Her youngest son crawled under the cushions of the couch and hid, shaking. She looked back on that for years later and beat herself up for saying things that would stick in their memories, things that would undermine their basic sense of self. Finally, she had the courage to ask them how they had ever forgiven her. They all three looked at her with incredulity and said, "You never said anything like that." She knew she had, because her memory was clear, but theirs wasn't. I've never forgotten that God loves little children and wipes their memories clear of things that they don't need to hear or remember. I've talked with my own children whose traumatic memories are different than what happened, and I've watched healings take place. Be you. Be a child, learning in your home right along with your children. Trust him to watch over all of you. I love you. Put the stick away.