A few days ago I read a post on one of my favorite blogs. Fact Check: A True Friend is Always There For You. And it got me thinking, like most of her posts do.
So in the last month I've quit facebook, had a couple of mishaps with friends, and said no a lot more than I have been known to in the past. I have said things I never meant in moments of physical and emotional exhaustion and I have not been supportive to others who were also going through a hard time.
I have been one crappy friend. But I'm happy to report, a better mother. My world has done a dramatic shrinking act, it now fits inside the walls of my home for the most part.
The bigger part of me is grateful for this and I'm loving it! I found a power to say, "You know what, I would love to but I can't today." That is cause for celebration.
But a small part of me is heartbroken and wondering if I'm burning bridges. How do you know which bridge is so stretched out that it is just not going to hold together when you need it so you might as well cut it down to add strength to another? And how do you know when a weak bridge just needs time and some more material in order to become a well needed highway?
And how do you turn off your brain and just be content????
5 Comments
Thank you for the kind words about my blog.
I'm glad you've been able to be with your family more. I'm sorry it has come at a cost. Opportunity costs are something I struggle with all the time. They are such a huge part of life.
We make good choices and bad choices when it comes to opportunity costs. Unfortunately, we sometimes don't know which until a bit of time has passed.
Please be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. And you are doing a good job.
You were never meant to be everything to everyone. You only have one moment at a time to use.
You know what? If a bridge is meant to be there it will get mended. Do the best for you and those who are true friends will stick around, even if you do yell at them for not being political ;) Love ya Mags!
I say good for you Maggie. and if someone can't support you for becoming a better mommy then forget them…They may be harsh since maybe you will forget me (jk) But Im proud you are doing your best in being a great mommy. And good job for saying you couldn't help that day. And I think it's hard as us females to turn the brain off and be content. It can be hard to do. However I think you are on the right path by making your world your little family. love ya kay
Hey Maggie, I just swung over because I have been wondering what you and the family have been up to since your facebook escape! I'm glad to see that you are spending such good quality time with the family! Hope everything is great with you! Don't worry about those bridges. True friends are always there no matter how long its been since the last time you talked! Take care of yourself!
Crystin
You asked how you know which bridge is stretched out and maybe won't hold together when you need it.
1) You'll know. Trust yourself to respond in the moment to what is important. One day a friend may come to you and say that they just need to talk, and it's a crisis you couldn't have imagined, while your child will need lunch, and you'll, that day, choose your friend. Your gut knows. Your children aren't permanently removed from focus just because your gut inspires one-time shifts. It's how God helps us care for one another without losing our minds.
2) We need to turn the presence of down-the-line bridges over to God and trust him that he'll have them in place when we need them. We can't hold others accountable for being there for us because of the investment we've put in them - it ruins friendships.
I think you're very wise. I also think you're the kind of person who inspires people to want to build bridges over to you. Glad you're enjoying more time with your monkeys. They're cute. ;)