Women who struggle with infertility, must hate me at one point or another. Out of our 5 kids, only one was planned. Well, let me clarify. All of them were planned but the timing was only planned for one. Which isn't true either because we tried for 8 months for that baby. That's it, 8 months. 8 months of waiting. Basically nothing.

When #4 came into my life, Satan had a field day with me. For months and months I keep telling myself I wasn't a good enough mom to have all these kids. I wasn't only ruining one kid's life but 4 now. It was a hard time in my life. But I couldn't tell anyone that because I was blessed and I had to enjoy this stage and so many women wanted what I had.... on and on and on.

It was all a pack of lies of course. I'm not a perfect mom but none of that has anything to do with who gets kids and who doesn't. But I also don't believe it's a lottery system or a purely dna. I know the Lord is sending children. But I couldn't even begin to tell you His ways. They make no sense to me. What I'm trying to convey is, I don't understand why I can't even get 3 years between kids and some can't have one. I question just like those struggling to have a kid.

I feel deep sorrow for arms who ache for a baby. I don't understand that kind of pain but it doesn't mean I don't see it and feel for those who suffer from it. They are often in my prayers. Let's be kind to each other in our trials. Let's not say things like, "at least you have kids" or "at least you can sleep at night." Let's spread some love even when we are suffering from the exact opposite trial. And I'll keep praying for more babies to go to anyone with a home ready to love. Because nothing is better than a baby.